A Light Shining through the Cracks

And the importance of chasing joy in a world seemingly shrouded in despair

The human mind is masterfully designed to protect us from a dangerous world.

Our amygdala is a primitive and fearful part of our brain that is always on alert for anything that might harm us. It triggers our flight, fight, or freeze response, and it etches a memory of every event, every situation, every animal, or person that ever posed as a threat to our well-being.

In a long-ago world filled with predacious animals and warring factions, this is a useful feature. In a world filled with economic strain, social disorder, political unrest, and social media, our overworked amygdala can’t well discern between real and perceived dangers.

That means it’s far easier to focus on the negative events in our lives, and our world, than it is to remember and recall all the positive. To defy our genetic and evolutionary predisposition requires a degree of mindfulness and determination that can be challenging to find in a world that constantly bombards us with images and messages of fear.

For me, the new year doesn’t really start on Jan. 1. It starts on Jan. 12, the day after my birthday. I generally spend the time between Christmas and my birthday reflecting and ruminating on the past year and thinking about my hopes for the next orbit.

For much of this year, I have largely seen the darkness. And I’ll say that in some cases that’s not without good reason. I’ve endured some setbacks and stumbles. I have felt the pain of people I love leaving my life. I have experienced the sting of betrayal by those I once held close. I have seen people I once respected reveal a version of themselves I hadn’t before witnessed, nor imagined existed. I’ve seen neighbors, Kansans, and Americans display shocking amounts of callousness and venom.

And I also have stared at my own demons, and struggled with my feelings of anger, loss, and fear. There have been times I have betrayed the best in myself, when I behaved contrary to my values. Times when the heaviness of my thoughts overwhelmed me and seemed to trap me under a sort of dark curtain from which I couldn’t find the strength to emerge.

My therapist talked to me recently about the importance of chasing joy, especially in moments when joy seems the least accessible. I know my two most powerful strategies to combat despair and sadness are joy and gratitude. Despite years of therapy to help cultivate such tools, and despite having successfully deployed these tools in my life, it always seems to take some time in the darkness to remember to look for the light coming through the cracks.

Thanks a lot, amygdala (and likely some disrupted serotonin production and too much social media consumption).

Despite sometimes struggling to fully see the joy in my life, I am fortunate that I don’t often need to chase it. I just need to take the time and effort to see what should always be easy to see: The people in my life fill me with Joy, and give me endless new opportunities to feel gratitude.

I have never seen the world through Rose-colored glasses, and I doubt I ever will.

There has always been darkness and despair all around. There are very clear and present dangers to our well-being. Our world is filled with a multitude of evolving challenges. There are people manipulating and abusing systems designed to build our communities, and there are people actively working to silence dissent, to step on the throats of those who dare challenge authority, and who envision a future that is wildly different than many previous generations of us have imagined for ourselves.

Still, we have to resist the cover of darkness and always look for the light.

Thanks to so many of you for being the light that is such a beautiful and important part of my life.